Just for fun
Can’t beat good preparation
Paddy was waiting at the bus stop with his mate when a lorry went by loaded up with rolls of turf.
Paddy said, ‘I gonna do that when I win lottery’.
‘What’s dat’, says his mate.
‘Send me lawn away to be cut’, says Paddy.
Baby racing driver in the womb…
“The Ferrari formula 1 team fired their entire pit crew yesterday. The announcement followed Ferrari’s decision to take advantage of the UK Government’s Youth Opportunity Scheme and employ people from Liverpool.
The decision to hire them followed a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from the Liverpool area were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari’s existing crew can only do it in 8 seconds with millions of euros worth of high tech equipment.
Prime Minister Gordon Brown went on record as saying this was a bold move by the Ferrari management which demonstrated the international recognition of the UK under New Labour.
As most races are won and lost in the pits, Ferrari thought they had the advantage over every team.
However Ferrari got more than they bargained for. At the first practice session, the Liverpool pit crew successfully changed the tyres in less than 6 seconds. But within 12 seconds they had re-sprayed, re badged, and sold the vehicle to the McLaren team for 8 bottles of Stella, a kilo of speed and some photos of Lewis Hamilton’s bird in the shower.
Russian Ice Fishing Car Rescue!
You Tube Video of Women Drivers
FJ Dancing On Ice!
Christer Larsson couldn’t wait to give his MRS FJ a test drive, so when the lake at his summer house froze over, he prepared a short track! Aparently the car behaved quite well on rally tires with spikes, old but still with lots of grip!
Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.
When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.
One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman.
Her natural beauty took his breath away. “I may look like just an ordinary man,” he said to her, “but in just a few years, my father will die, & I will inherit $200 million”
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.
Former Lehman Brothers employees stage protest…
A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window.
The bee said, “What seems to be the problem”?
“I’m out of gas.”
The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out .
“Try it now,” said one bee.
The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up.
“Wow!” the man exclaimed. “What did you put in my gas tank”?
The bee answered, “BP.”
A Man’s best friends…
A Politician’s Ideal Car
‘A NEW DIRECTION’
You figure it out. I have a headache.
Just in case you ever wondered what us retired folk get up to all day……….
The question is:
What Do Retired People Do All Day?
Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.
Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop.
We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.
We went up to him and said, ‘Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?’
He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres
So my wife called him a baboon. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Personally, we didn’t care. We came into town by bus. We try to have a little fun each day now that we’re retired. It’s important at our age
A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten.
We all looked at each other and another customer asked, ‘What is a seven-hundred-ten?’
She replied, ‘You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one..’
She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.
The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like.
She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car which had its hood up and asked ‘is there a 710 on this car?’
She pointed and said, ‘Of course, its right there.’
If you’re not sure what a 710 is look below!
For those about to embark on the USA part of the Golden Jubilee World Tour, take note…!
Michelangelo’s famous statue of The David returns to Italy this week after a successful 12 week, 20 city tour of the USA
I see myself slowing down, trying to ‘straddle’ the hole, then breathing again when I cleared it without hitting it!?
This really is an actual speed control device.?
Scroll down and check all three pictures!
When a woman wears a leather dress,
A man’s heart beats quicker,
and his throat gets dry,
he goes weak in the knees,
and he begins to think irrationally.
-Ever wondered why?
…Because she smells like a new car!
To my darling husband,
Before you return from your overseas trip I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pick up truck when I turned into the driveway. Fortunately not too bad and I really didn’t get hurt, so please don’t worry too much about me. I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake. The garage door is slightly bent but the pick up fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your beloved Ferrari. I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart. I am enclosing a picture for you. I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.
Your loving wife, XXX
P.S. your girlfriend called…
Huge collections like the one in Portugal don’t just happen. Cars are accumulated by someone with a purpose …
By Tom Cotter
One day this January, I received at least ten forwarded email attachments to a web site that featured photos of an eclectic collection of old cars in a decaying building. For the next week it seemed the web was literally blanketed with these images, each giving a similar story:
“Imagine moving into an old farmhouse in the Portuguese countryside, and, while walking around “the lower 40” of your new investment, you come across an old building. Curious as to what may be inside, you pry open the rusted door and for the first time in decades, one of the largest hordes of old cars ever discovered is exposed to sunlight.”
I didn’t believe that story for a moment.
Huge collections of cars don’t just happen. Cars are accumulated—sometimes lovingly, sometimes not—by someone with a purpose. I was sure this collection was not assembled by accident; nobody would simply sell an old farm and fail to mention to the new owners the stash of old cars in the barn.
I decided to investigate. I searched the web and ultimately came to an English language dead end at the Mazda Miata Club Norway web site. But I kept going, sending emails in English and hoping that some kind recipient would take a few moments to answer some questions. All indications were that the cars were hidden somewhere in Portugal, so that’s where I focused my investigation.
Through a Cobra buddy, Don Silawski of Washington, DC, I contracted with a Portuguese translator, Clara Dixon. Clara would be my tour guide and try to unearth some of the naked truth regarding this huge stash. Clara also checked the Internet for news stories that may have been written in Portuguese newspapers about the cars. I was beginning to feel like a CIA sleuth…
I must admit that for me, a lifelong barn-finder, a collection this large would be the discovery of a lifetime. My 15-year-old son, Brian, even tried to convince me to hop a flight to Portugal to see if I could actually find the collection myself.
I was eventually able to contact the photographer who was contracted by the cars’ owner to shoot the photographs that would ultimately appear on millions of car-guy computer monitors beginning on January 20.
THE STORY BEHIND THE STORY
Manuel Menezes Morais shot the photos, but he was sworn to secrecy about the cars’ location and the owner’s name. However, he was able to obtain permission from the elusive owner to give me the following information:
The owner of the cars was a car dealer in the 1970s and 1980s, and decided to save the more interesting cars that came through his doors. When the barn was full, he padlocked and “soldered” the doors shut. (Perhaps welding was too permanent.)
Web sites varied on the number of cars: 58, 100, and 180 were speculated. According to Morais, there are 180 cars in the barn.
And, aw shucks, none of the cars is for sale.
Clara was able to determine that the cars are located somewhere in the area of Sintra, near Lisbon. I asked Morais if he could ask the owner if he had a favorite car. “He has lots of good cars in very good condition,” he says, “but he loves the Lancia Aurelia B24. He has two.”
I would ask that a European-based SCM subscriber pick this story up and help fill in the blanks. And let me know what you find (email@example.com). I’d like to include the true story in a future In the Barn book, as well as in SCM.
So, what’s in there?